An electromagnetic force
Stops me from breaking through,
In spite of my desire
I fast and suffer, because of You

1. God-Emperor of Dune
2. Rime of the Ancient Mariner

 

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To Swallow Eternity in a Yawn

I am unable to date this particular dream, other than it took place after the year June 2000 sometime, but before my History as Judge dream.  The dream itself was rather shocking and terrifying, only because, it left me feeling I was going to go stark raving mad.  In my dream, I saw a vast heath and a multitude of people that seemed endless.  As I watched this scene unfold, I saw that the population of this multitude was growing exponentially and I saw people on top of people filling up the vastness of my mind. And then the earth below me shook and as I looked, the earth itself opened up and the millions of people I saw instantly were swallowed, wiped out, gone before me.  It happened so fast, it was staggering. I could barely comprehend what I was seeing. And before I could get a grasp of it the cycle of historic violence began again. 

As the earth closed itself another age and epoch came in which the vast heath became heavily populated with people, until it too filled my mind.  I could hear the voices of select individuals claiming and addressing their grievances trying to be heard but unable in this fray. As time went on and the earth became heavy with people, I felt the earth tremble below me and I became afraid.  And before I could think of what I could do, the earth tore open again and millions upon millions of people vanished from my sight in the blink of an instant.  Anguish and pain soared through my brain and my conscience.  I felt helpless and powerless, and yet I felt responsible for having witnessed these events and having done nothing to stop it. 

Again, another age and epoch came and people filled the land and populated the earth heavily and even faster than before, in greater numbers reaching billions.  I found I could not move, that I was to continuously watch the devouring of the human race throughout the ages, to understand what was at stake.  And I became afraid because I simply could not take it anymore. It felt like my mind was going to break.  What disturbed me the most was how the earth, conscious and alive, was able to swallow in an instant such a magnitude of human life without so much of a thought or sense of guilt.  In a sense, the horrible and terrible notion that eternity and life could be swallowed in a yawn. 

Vision: Entrapped in a Stain of Glass

Around 2000 or 2001 while at work, I had a peculiar experience take place while I was reading  – if my memory serves me correctly – Fanon’s The Wretched of the Earth in the break room.  All I remember was that at one moment I was reading my book and the next moment I was seeing a stain glass window and within a stick figure encased into the pattern of colors.  There was slight vibration along the outline of this figure, like the movement of the wings of a fly, very fast and very short. The movement continued and for awhile I am just watching it complacently.  Eventually the wheels of my brain began moving and I realized that this movement wasn’t abstract, it was alive and deliberate.  This figure encased in the window was trying to break free of the mold of the stain glass.  It was conscious. The more I watched, the stronger and more violent the vibrations became and at certain times, I could see his head completely move back and forth completely free, but only to be forced back into the pattern of the glass.  This did not deter the figure in any way, but only increased his resolve to break free.  Finally, in a tumult of violent shaking, his head swung free again and he slipped out of the pattern and the entire window around him shattered.  It was at this point, my vision faded and I found myself sitting in the break room looking up at the wall opposite me, suddenly filled with the realization that I had no idea how much time had passed…my book was overturned on the table. 

My mind was sent reeling: What had just happened, what did I just see? The one particular thing that bothered me was that I had no idea how this started.  Yet the vision itself I could definitely relate to Frantz Fanon himself, especially in another work of his I had read, Black Skin, White Masks – a book about how colonialism and racism forced blacks to adapt to its adverse affects and to completely control his actions and thoughts. 

The Stain Glass window reinforced this notion. 

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The Mysterious Missile and The Space Children

In my dream last night, I found myself in a world where everyone I had met arrived.  I saw thousands of people and something was taking place I can’t quite figure out. People were being arbitrarily picked out from the crowd and dissapeared.  In this melee people were dispersed, people formed groups and then they were dispersed even more.  No one could really stay within a certain group, and yet in this confusion, people wanted to stick together.  It was a world spiraling out of control.  Finally darkness fell and a transition in my dream occurred.

I found myself in the woods looking up at the night sky.  It was black and full of stars.  I then began to hear a noise and when I searched I saw what at first looked like a plane in the distance near the horizon, rising up.  But I soon noticed it was traveling too fast across the sky to be a plane.  It shot over me and the body of it looked like a missile of some sort, but in the dark it was hard to make it out.  It dissapeared at the other end of the black sky and I stood there waiting for some type of explosion that never came.  Before I knew it morning came and I realized I was waiting for some people to arrive.  I was startled to find out that not only they had come, but they were waiting for me.  As commotion about their arrival stirred, I saw them.  They were 12 year old children, about four or five of them.  Under a patch of pine trees and barren earth, they were talking with each other like teens do, and their space suits and helmets neatly packed beside them.  I wasn’t expecting them to be ready so early, in fact I was expecting them to be still in their space uniforms, coming back from their mission.  Something was not right. How did they get here so fast without my noticing? And secondly, did this have anything to do with that “missile’ I saw last night?  Something took place and I missed it.  Everything about this was strange. As I approached them, one of the children saw me and with brightness on his face began to start towards me.  He was stopped by an older child who also sensed this strangeness.  In this moment, I realized that the child was holding a frog or a toad he had found in the woods.  It had leaped out of his hands and floated upwards, surprising all of us.  Suddenly something stumbled from out of the woods into our area.  It was like a giant jellyfish, but different. It was a creature I’ve never seen before. It barreled towards the children.  As it arrived in their vicintity, it shriveled up and died.  Whatever this strangeness was, it was a life and death issue.  This incident made me unsure of where the line of normal physics and life met with ultra-strangeness.  I did not venture forth to meet the children, and neither did they ventured forth from the area they occupied. And then I woke up.

The Dagger and the Giant

I wanted to share with you a dream I had last night. Actually this is a second time I dreamt this.  In my dream there was quite alot of incoherency taking place, as do all dreams when they first start out, and out of this incoherency I saw two women in a room.  There in the room was a large-sized map laid out on a table in which I saw great land masses, mountain ranges, and systems of rivers.  The one woman spoke to the other – relating some news of some kind.  The other woman’s response was outrage and anger at somebody – who was not present in the room. Vowing vengeance of some kind ["The Scorpion!" she cried] she withdrew a dagger which she immediately stabbed the map that was on the table.  The dagger went through an area of a large river.  The weird thing was – just as she did this – I was suddenly transported to this very place in the physical, watching an enormous blade of the dagger coming down from the clouds into the large blue river in which I saw ancient navy vessels of some sort.  The enormous blade began moving down the river (it was huge) seeking whomever it was seeking to impose its wrath upon.  I followed it as I saw we were passing small towns and cities on the river – of an ancient people who were frightened by this enormous dagger.  This was not the first time they had seen such a thing and they were very scared by it.  I could see small people fishing in the river and the enormous dagger moved through their fishing waters – just following the river in all its turns and stretches – like a shark.  Then I found myself in an area by the river in a fog.  The blade of the dagger nowhere to be found, but I still had the feeling it was still searching down the river.  Out of the fog I saw two enormous hands cupped together and in the palms of these hands were frightened people.  The fog cleared and before me I saw an enormous giant.  He was all furry and he was moving quickly down the river with all these small people in his hands.  And as he was carrying them to safety, I could hear this meditative hum [almost like the choir of angels] which gradually grew louder and then the sound of his every step which shook the earth.  And then my dream ended as my alarm went off…  

A Few More Goodbyes is Not Enough

By Yours Truly 

I feel like my heart is going to give way
To the mounting pressure of loneliness

My thoughts wander in the land of yesterday
It is dangerous to be companionless
Meandering through the wayward roads of memory

I cannot help it – I must think of you
To say goodbye a few more times

A few more goodbyes and
Your absence the weight of mountains

A few more goodbyes and
“I love you” from a ferocious impregnable place

I cannot venture further
For here at this juncture
Mountains devour mountains relentlessly
and I will still love and miss you
In the end.

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Guided by the Spirit of Native American Angels

Not sure exactly how to describe this dream.  I fell asleep on the couch, woke up at 4am went to my room and tried to sleep but couldn’t.  I had two hours before I had to get up for work.  About an hour later I was getting sleepy again and I fell in and out of sleep with intermitten dreams.

This is what I remember. 

I remember a tall young man striding through what seemed to be a mansion of sorts, and as he was striding he was bringing his hands out in front of him together as in a prayer but then would separate his hands far and wide but still out in front of his chest.  He kept repeating this ritual of bringing his hands together and then spreading his arms wide over and over again.  He had long black hair, and a black shirt.  He also looked asian/native. 

Suddenly there were others like him [like duplicates] striding along with him, performing the same ritual simulatenously keeping in step with one another, as if it was a marching platoon.  Roughly there were about 6 in a row [all of which had a column of hundreds, thousands, millions of others]. My vantage point was from the side looking at the profile of this “platoon” of duplicates marching and passing in front of me as in review.  I then noticed the one duplicate [duplicate for lack of a better word] the farthest from me, did not look like the rest.  Rather in fact he was bigger and he looked more American Native, with an oversized head and long flowing silky black hair. Also this Native [who resembled the other duplicates in appearance] seemed to be a “spirit” as it floated next to this “platoon”. It was simply a head flotaing in sync with the march. It looked forward and straight as if it was suggesting that it was guiding them through history.  This Native also wore a black and red shawl over his shoulder.  I then realized that the closest duplicate to me also looked like a Native American spirit.  It was just as large, and also had a shawl over it’s shoulders.  It also had white angel wings. I noticed the other Spirit also had wings as well. 

Column 1 and Column 6 all transformed into these Native American Guardian Angels.

Diagram of the “platoon” from above:

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGG  [Column 1]
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD  }
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD  }
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGG  [Column 6]

                ^
               me
    (My vantage point)

G = Guardian Native Angel 
D = Duplicate of Asian/Native youth  
} = 2 rows

It seemed that they were protecting the people inside who were marching.  And as they did so, the entire rank and file – formation began to take off into the sky like jets taking off of a carrier following each other.  As I saw the entire columns flying up into the air, I noticed that the duplicates looked nothing like they had before.  They were skeletons but not of human origin but that of a beastly origin. They were huge, immense, ghastly looking.  They reminded me of H.R. Giger’s skeletons. The angels were still there and began to fill up the immense firmament until my eyes could see nothing but angels and their wings across my vision.  There were so numerous that I began to see Native American patterns to represent each and every angel. In fact the patern itself was quite simple and I say Native because that is what it reminded me of.  I felt like I was looking into an entire universe of repeated patterns so vast I could barely comprehend.

=O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =
|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| 
=O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =
|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O||
=O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =
|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O||
=O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =
|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O||
=O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =
|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| 
=O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =
|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O||
=O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =
|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O||
=O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =
|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O||
=O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =
|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O||
=O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =
|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O|| =O||

Each =O|| represented an angel.  “=” and “||” were the wings attached to the body “O”. And when they changed flight or direction the “||” changed to “\\”.  The shift in flight happened in unison…so now the pattern looked like this:

=O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =
\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\
=O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =
\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\
=O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =
\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\
=O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =
\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\
=O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =
\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\
=O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =
\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\
=O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =
\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\
=O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =
\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\
=O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =
\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\
=O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =
\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\
=O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =
\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\ =O\\

Then they reminded me of stars in the heavens and soon after I woke up the entire dream still fresh in my memory.