I Dream of Asteroids

Last night, I dreamt about asteroids hitting the earth. I was in my house with my beloved. For some reason I went outside and a woman was standing on our front porch with a white cell phone in her hand speaking into it. Next to her was my friend Tom who stated that down the street something was going on. Something had exploded. I looked down the street and saw in the distance dark columns of smoke rising to the sky. They seemed to be in different locations. I then noticed that a whole crowd had amassed themselves in the street looking at the smoke rising into the atmosphere. It was then I heard from out of the crowd someone saying that asteroids were falling from the sky. I did not feel safe and began to frantically look up at the sky to see if I could see any more of these asteroids. Soon enough I saw a grey object lingering in the sky suddenly becoming larger in size. I yelled at the woman with the cell phone “Get out of here!” and then I heard many people scream and they were running in all directions. I found myself in the middle of the lawn and I saw the object streaking towards my house. I ran out into the street and saw that the object crashed into the lawn. It was about two arms length wide. I then went into the house to get my beloved out and it was then I woke up.

Ancient Combatants and the Flying Disc

Last night, I was reading my book Ruled by Secrecy by Jim Marrs, when I dozed off and had a dream of two ancient soldiers in combat with each other. They were both shielded. The weaker of the two had a round bronze type of shield and he was overtaken by the stronger soldier, whose shield seemed to be more squarish. The stronger of the two had his foot standing on top of the shield of his weaker opponent, pinning his opponent facedown to the ground. Then in what seemed to be an act of mercy, he stepped off the shield, to allow his weaker opponent a respite. Immediately his opponent stood up and lunged forward and produced a spear that went through the jugular (where the neck met the torso) of his generous opponent. And that is where this particular dream ended and I woke up to turn off the lights and got into bed.

During the night I had another dream, one which was far more disturbing. In the dream, I stepped outside of my parent’s house to find all these people and young adults milling about. It was very late at night. Suddenly, a fog set in and in the fog I saw a huge flying disc with a globe descend rapidly. For some reason I knew this was bad. I told people not to go near it. Some people ran off, but others’ remained transfixed by the UFO. The flying disc was huge, bigger than my parent’s house, hovering above us. Suddenly, the small globe underneath it started to glow with different colors and patterns. People were tempted to goto it and in doing so they were impaled by a tentacle and taken onboard the flying ship. I tried to ignore it and other people also did. The flying disc tried a new tactic to lure people; it shut off all of its lights – the globe underneath became black. Some people thought it things were ok, but no sooner had they entered the danger zone, they were impaled by the tentacles and brought onboard. Not quite sure how this dream ended – but I woke up very distraught over this dream.

Out of Body, Out of Car

I wrote the following dream I had on September 29, 2005. I edited the grammar.

…Last night I had a dream. In this dream I felt as if I was a completely different person. I dreamt I was someone who was confident, who was rebellious, who was sure of one’s actions and was certain of convictions. I also had an ego and this sense of vanity about myself in the dream.

In my dream I had this beautiful black monster of a car. It was like a black camaro, but bigger, bulkier, and it roared to life when I sat in it. It looked and felt like it was literally eating the pavement it was riding on.

It was not a normal car, even though I would sit in it and drive. Driving in this car was normal and fine for awhile and then I would find myself or rather my mind being “left behind” as if my mind was no longer in the car. It was as if my mind de-tached itself and stayed in one place while watching the car and myself in it continue forward. I was watching the car dissapear in traffic or around street bends. Knowing I was still in the car, but with no ability to see where I was going, I panicked. I would turn my head slightly to the right and suddenly I would “snap” back into my body which was in the car. I would continue as normal. This happened a few times.

Finally I found myself driving down the road and my mind began to drift. Before I know it, I could see the car roaring out in front of me and around the bend where I lost track of it. I was left “stranded” on the road, yet I knew my body was still in the car. Panicking I suddenly looked into the sky to my left. What happened next was quite different. I did not “snap” back into my body. Rather in one sweeping motion, I saw the car coming back around the bend towards me at an incredible speed [in an instant] and striking me [which brought me back into my body which was in the car] and taking off into the sky where I had looked. Before I knew it I was in the sky in this roaring beast of a car – it was flying! And somehow subconsciously I was controlling it – yet it seemed out of my control.

The connection between my body, mind and the vehicle was profound.

Mind Control in my Dreams

Last night I had a dream about trying to access hidden parts of my mind but was unable to. At first I saw a room that was lobby like, but I was refused entry by security guards. Later I found myself inside the lobby area trying to advance forward, but just as I started moving I felt a force holding me back and suddenly the security guards surrounded me escorting me out. In the dream, I constantly would try and try to access and reclaim the room (or rather my mind), but then I would be pushed back out. I could never really hold on to anything…and each time I entered, I felt more powerful and could remember tidbits of myself more. But each time I got pushed out, those tidbits were claimed by whoever occupied and claimed my mind. Finally I tried another time and this time found myself walking in through the lobby. I shouted out “I’m here!” letting whoever know that I was back to reclaim my space and mind.

I continued walking down the hall and little bit and around the corner were I saw what looked like a Musuem (there was displays inside glass cases everywhere and books and pamphlets everywhere). There was also an elevator. For some reason I found myself carrying a briefcase. I started grabbing books and pamphlets and soon after I felt the force pushing me out back into the hallway into the lobby and eventually out to my mind. The security guards appeared again, but among them was a man who looked very businesslike and muscular. He spoke to me very clearly at the time and mentioned the briefcase. He told me to put the books and pamphlets into the briefcase, for which some reason I did, partially. As I was being escorted out, he began to laugh and as I was nearing the exit, he shouted out that my briefcase was empty and that what I had taken was reclaimed by him. I opened the brifcase to find it empty of contents. He was still laughing when I exited. I did however have some pamphlets in my hand, so i felt I made some progress. The rest of the dream was myself and some friends trying to figure out how to access my mind from the pamphlets I had grabbed. It was slow progress but I was able to reclaim some portion of my mind and who I was permanently. The dream ended not too long after.

This is remniscient of another dream about someone controlling my mind/actions, not too long ago. Not sure if I catalogued it, but here is the gist of it

Well I had a dream where I was living my life like normal, except every couple of years or so, a man would appear which gave me the chills and creeps. I would see him and for some reason I felt uneasy about him and then later I would realize that I met this person many times before, but i would always forget about him. Anyways, he would come by me and things would just happen around me as if I wasn’t there {but I was there]. Its kinda hard to explain. Anyways one day I was working on my computer/keyboard desk and I felt a prescence behind me and I turned very quickly and it was as if I hit a brick wall. The man was there again, and this time his voice was booming in my head giving me instructions and I was feeling so powerless and I felt like I was becoming smaller and smaller in size. In the dream, I knew this person, but I didnt want to know him because I felt dirty – I never really remembered what took place after he would arrive, there is blackness, and then he’s gone until the next time.

A Nightmare, A Dream, and A Visit

I haven’t had a paralysis event for quite some time now, at least not for a year since I moved in with my fiance and her sons. Since I moved in, the youngest (who I shall refer to as C) I realize has had night terrors much longer than he has known me.. He sometimes describes seeing things during the night. Last night two events took place that made me think this may be more than just a “sleep paralysis” event. Here is what happened last night:

Early morning on September 2, around 3:30, my fiance and I were both woken up by C (my 8-year old soon to be step-son). He had called out in the middle of the night for mom. I was woken out of a dream I was having and immediately went into his room and my fiancee followed. He had a nightmare and was scared. He did not want to recall his nightmare. A few times that night he called out and said he couldnt sleep and we ended up going back to bed. At around 4:11, C came into our bedroom and said that he could see things in the light (he was referring to the hall light outside his room that was on) and that he was still unable to sleep. He could not describe what he saw, but he did say that there were many things he saw. Finally we got him to go back to bed.

For awhile I just laid in bed next to my fiance, with my arm across her holding her in an embrace. I was dozing and having intermittened dreams, one of which was about C. We were in a place resembling a cinema and C was all alone sitting before the screen. Something was on the screen but unable to view it, and I could see the man running the film projector suddenly stopping the film and putting something else on. When the projector stopped, it felt like everything shut down and I was afraid this was related to C and his dreams. In fact when I saw the man changing the reel, I felt that this would stop development on some fundamental part for C. I woke out of this dream still in the same position I was, my arm embracing my fiance. I must have been thinking about things, as I laid awake.

All of a sudden I heard a clamor/ruckus taking place below our room (our bedrooms are on the second floor). I heard THUD! THUD! THUD! THUD! throughout the house, as if someone had just entered the house and stomping loudly as it ran throughout the place to make itself heard and known. But I knew something wasn’t right, as our dog did not bark. The feeling that a foreign intrusive prescence was making itself known in the house was frightening and then I felt it pass through me from the floor below, in which case my entire body became tingly with sensation and I saw in my mind’s eye, shimmering blue light. This did not last very long as fear envoloped me. My body was paralyzed, although I could move my eyes. I looked over at my fiance who was calm and her eyes closed, and I tried to shake her with my arm, but I could not move my arm. I tried to squeeze her arm with my hand, but again I had no luck. I couldnt get my fingers to move. I then tried to call her name, but my voice came out, or at least I thought I did, as a whisper. She must have heard something as she woke up and saw me and asked me if everything was alright. It was only then that the paralysis broke, the tingly sensation was gone and the feeling of another presence vanished. I was no longer afriad. In light of C’s earlier night terror incident, I wonder if somehow my paralysis event is related?

When everything was calm my fiance related that she saw me and that it looked like I was having difficulty breathing. She said that my eyes were wide open and that I was not sleeping. And that I was cold to touch and that I had goosebumps. I was so relieved when I saw her wake up.

I felt like this spirit/entity was sending me a message and I do not like it at all. I think its message was that it exists and it made sure that I knew that.

A Vision of a Daughter within a Dream

I haven’t posted anything regarding my dreams lately, even though I had quite a number of them since my last post. Anyways, I had a dream this past weekend, which is akin to the dreams/premonitions I had regarding my niece and nephews, before they were born. Also, it is coinciding with a project I am working on regarding a female child and the way she is born – such as the Goddess Athena daughter of Zeus in Greek Mythology.

On Saturday night of June 7, 2008, I dreamt about a daughter being born to us. She had aspects of her mother, her nose, and eyes and very fair skin. However she had dark hair, like mine, and a few beauty marks on her left cheek and on her chin. I remember being elated to see her, from a baby into a young little girl. I really wanted to hear her speak and talk and tell me what she was thinking. However, she was deaf and her sounds were muted. I remember a feeling of separation, because I couldn’t understand what she was going through. The one thing I wanted to know about her more than anything was her name. But the dream ended before this was revealed. Perhaps I shall dream of her again and will remember to ask her.

This dream is haunting in a way. I sometimes think that I am being contacted by our actual daughter who hasn’t been born yet, that maybe she is trying to communicate to us about herself.

Seeing the World Through Dream and Vision

This is a recalling of a dream I had a few days ago, of which during the course of the dream I became very aware I was in one. What I remember most before the Awakening and the Sight bestowed upon me was dreaming about my parent’s dog, Sweetie, who stood up on her hind legs and almost became human. As she stood up, I threw my arms around her and immediately felt her hind legs become like human legs, and her front legs and paws, becoming like human arms and hands. Shocked I had let go, thinking I was going to see a humanized form of Sweetie walk away. Instead, her legs wobbled as she had no balance and almost fell. I was there to catch her and she tried and tried to walk like a human, and each time she wavered and would almost topple over. Her legs were too weak. This ends this particular portion of my dream.

Another part of my dream that I remember before the Great Awakening and Sight bestowed upon me, was being in the vicinity of my old neighborhood in Lancaster at night. It is winter time and snow is on the ground. I am walking behind an unknown house. For some reason I think I may have been on the roof of this house and found a way down. As I find myself behind this house, I see a figure in the distance coming towards me. It is a man and he walks very close to me and I draw [or does he draw?] what seems to be a cane, shaking it violently for either him [or me] to stay away. Thus ended another part of the dream.

One final portion of the dream that I remember before the Great Awakening and Sight bestowed upon me, was being in my apartment room, and realizing that the carpeting on the floor was gone. A very large [and very ugly], shredded rug layed over broken and rotting floorboards. I could see the floor below mine and I wondered how did I ever come to accept such a condition to live? It was then I realized that where my bed was, was a large dirty porcelain tub and almost as if it was a distant memory, I had remembered why now I had so little space in my room. But where did I sleep? Thus ended this portion of the dream, which relates to the next part of the dream.

I remember next sitting on my bed as if I was on a cliff at a great height, looking down and seeing someone, a woman, sitting in my chair not to far away. It was then at this moment that the great Awakening and Sight was bestowed upon me. I became aware that I was sleeping and dreaming, but I was Awake in my dream. I then tried to will this woman from off my chair. I had reasoned to myself that if this was my dream, then I had complete mastery over it. But the woman remained in the chair, despite my reasoning and despite my attempts at willing her away. I then slipped off the cliff of my bed and landed on the floor of my room.

Everything had changed dramatically. Here in my room, no woman or chair existed. I then came to the silly notion that I was Sleepwalking in my room and that even though my physical eyes remained closed in sleep, my dream had given me the Sight in which to see my room from a perception I would otherwise never see while awake. At first, my room was spacious and empty almost. My bed had become a sandbox in the middle of the room. I walked over to my desk area, where once had been my computer and music studio and equipment, there was an table made of some fine type of wood [I do not know what type of wood it was] and on top of it, a small miniscule chest drawer. I pulled one of the drawers out and there were trinkets, small jewlery of sorts, a silver type of utensil. I then wanted to look at my book case to see what my Dream would intrepret for me what it was, and as I looked I saw an elaborate beautiful structure from the floor to the cieling, spreading wide and out, made of dark wood of some sort, with elaborate decoration and design. It held my books and records in beautiful display I can not even begin to describe. It looked like a shrine of sorts, a gateway, a pathway to either heaven or hell, but it was brilliance in my mind. I then began to hear sounds from outside my window. being on the second floor, I was surprised to find  houses and buildings surrounded by water, where the surface I could see clearly, reached our floor. The sounds were of children playing, screaming and laughing. And as I looked out, I saw children run across the water, like it was a solid surface. I felt like I was seeing the future. I then laid my head down on my table, feeling its surface next to my skin, and thinking where else can I go, because I didn’t want this to end. But the end was coming and I felt it as my head laid upon the table, succumbing to the big lull of sleep. The Awakening and Sight bestowed upon me, was leaving, and I was falling back into the dozing of my consciousness and swept away in a tide of dream I am unable to remember.

Note: This dream reminds me of William Blake’s ”double-vision”, seeing with the eyes, and seeing through them.

Who I Am May Never Be

The Voyage of Who I Am May Never Be is a poem I felt I needed to write, a vessel I needed to build, as I feel as though I am in a sea of change once again. For a long time I have been unable to Speak within the confines of the verbiage and vernacular of the Second Language I have spoken for and with most of my life. Although on the surface I am still recognizable, the transformation has just barely begun. In part, the poem is a reflection that I’ve failed and am failing in trying to understand my experience. I have no answers, all I have is a direction and a boat.  

 

Who I Am May Never Be
(A Voyage in Parts of Four)

To all who know me,

I

No longer shall I be
Whom You used to know
Pregnant with my Love for you,
I must leave, my Love, the place
I’ve come to know as my Home

I still see you in Thought and Dream
Pixie hair the Forest and the Trees
I can taste your lips and your breath on me
The soft white Bosom of a shy, beloved queen,
Raveling, unraveling
My everything

Where You once were,
A vacuum now has consumed
A Thousand Light Years Away,
Ten Thousand Centuries Ago,
An Orphan and Widow, have I stood

After a few Goodbyes were not enough,
Making coherent a world bereft of You
Has undone the Sinews of Reason and Thought
And split the Earth in Two

All the Oceans and the Seas
With a Shout and in a Blare,
Have awashed its waters all over me
Reckoning and Thrashing me about
In a Chorus of Raucous Cacophony

No longer shall I be
Whom You used to know
Heavy with Longing for you,
Has ravaged the world and place
That I once called Home

II

All that is before me is the Brine and Sea,
Where a Man of Old on a boat appears to be
Belly full of Tears of Endless Woe of Long Ago
Sorrow has Whet his Face and Body into Stone

The moment will arrive
Blind, I shall be, through these Eyes
My Vision is collapsing
It is getting closer now

The Cramping of the Womb,
The Widening of the Girth,
The Tumultous Changing of the Guard from
Contractions that shake and roll the earth

In the Bowels of a Man of Old
All that I am is drawing to a close
As my boat drifts aloft the deep Atrillean Sea
The birthing and endless babble of Storie, the Child
Shall be the death-knell of what’s left of me

III

You may not believe the reason for my going
You may not understand why it is
That I must leave
You may think this is
Who I am, or where I need to be

But who I am is not myself
The Armour upon my Flesh is not my skin
My Mouth is not a mouth,
But the Sword of an Infant King

If I shall return
From that Great Abode, Abyss and Sea
Know this, my Love, my Friend
Storie the Child has died giving Birth to Me
And You may see Me once again

I know not if that shall be
You may not be You
And I may never be

You may think this is who I am
Or where I need to be
But who I am is not myself
And my Face is not my face
But some other Face, indeed

IV

No longer shall You be
A Figment of my Memory,
Pregnant with my Love for You,
May give birth to a world and place
I can finally come Home to.

Yours truly,

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To Swallow Eternity in a Yawn

I am unable to date this particular dream, other than it took place after the year June 2000 sometime, but before my History as Judge dream.  The dream itself was rather shocking and terrifying, only because, it left me feeling I was going to go stark raving mad.  In my dream, I saw a vast heath and a multitude of people that seemed endless.  As I watched this scene unfold, I saw that the population of this multitude was growing exponentially and I saw people on top of people filling up the vastness of my mind. And then the earth below me shook and as I looked, the earth itself opened up and the millions of people I saw instantly were swallowed, wiped out, gone before me.  It happened so fast, it was staggering. I could barely comprehend what I was seeing. And before I could get a grasp of it the cycle of historic violence began again. 

As the earth closed itself another age and epoch came in which the vast heath became heavily populated with people, until it too filled my mind.  I could hear the voices of select individuals claiming and addressing their grievances trying to be heard but unable in this fray. As time went on and the earth became heavy with people, I felt the earth tremble below me and I became afraid.  And before I could think of what I could do, the earth tore open again and millions upon millions of people vanished from my sight in the blink of an instant.  Anguish and pain soared through my brain and my conscience.  I felt helpless and powerless, and yet I felt responsible for having witnessed these events and having done nothing to stop it. 

Again, another age and epoch came and people filled the land and populated the earth heavily and even faster than before, in greater numbers reaching billions.  I found I could not move, that I was to continuously watch the devouring of the human race throughout the ages, to understand what was at stake.  And I became afraid because I simply could not take it anymore. It felt like my mind was going to break.  What disturbed me the most was how the earth, conscious and alive, was able to swallow in an instant such a magnitude of human life without so much of a thought or sense of guilt.  In a sense, the horrible and terrible notion that eternity and life could be swallowed in a yawn.